…I reflected and put the tree up….
After another night of not much sleep, I had to choose whether to play snooze catch up or try to have a productive day. I chose productive, not least because it would help the time till Matt gets back go quicker; we’ve a super festive Sunday planned and I can’t wait, (I may have purchased a selfie stick !!). I spent longer (and more money) mooching around a local town than I’d intended, exceeding the 2 hours free parking and being OK with paying for 3-4 hours. I brought some gifts and a Christmas Stocking each for Matt and I, I got us both an advent calendar. Then I took great pleasure in putting my tree up and adorning it with the new decorations I’d brought. I can’t wait to Xmas Bomb Matt’s place now – especially considering it’s where I’ll be waking up on Christmas Day…
Before heading out though, the usual morning routine ensues; check BGs which shows I need to take a correction dose alongside my reduced basal, as I get my pen out of my kit I notice the vial of Novorapid is half full and it dawns on me that I may not finish it before Monday. I then also start to consider the difference of using a IPT vs MDI, it’s not that I haven’t considered this before, but it wasn’t a prospect that was literally around the corner. MDI has been my routine, my comfort zone and lifeline for 15 years, alongside Diabetes it has been my longest relationship. It hasn’t been all bad and I maintain that if I could achieve the control, that yearned for “steady line” with injections, I probably wouldn’t be pursuing a pump at this point. The fact that it would mean upwards of 15 injections at different times of the day and night not being a prospect that phases me, the fact that it would mean piercing my skin at least 30 times a day (fingerpicks and injections) however, is a different story.
As I picked up my metallic red Novopen, removed the lid (Yes Amber, I still keep the lid on), and screwed on my 5mm 32g Novotwist pen needle; the realisation that I have done this for 15 years without question or reluctance (well maybe minimal reluctance, ok let’s just say some reluctance then…happy?), gave me mixed feelings about the change. I am excited and apprehensive at the effectiveness of the only daily skin piercing being fingerpicks. Recently a fellow PWD starting pump therapy told me she’d had to hide her pens, having been injecting for 29 years she was concerned that the “habit would be hard to break”, I fear I may be the same. Another conversation recently revealed that people with Diabetes all, essentially have OCD. It makes perfect sense, the carb counting, the maths of carbs to insulin ratios, the finger we prick when checking BG levels, the places we prefer as injection sites…..and the autopilot BG/Injection routine that occurs with regularity throughout the day; every day!
I have an autopilot routine with returning home, I remove my kit from my bag, and place it in the spot by the kettle next to my sharps bin, it’s where my kit has always lived when I’m “in residence”, just like the flag flies when the Queen is home. What will I do now, it would be dangerous to get the kit out in the same way…I may inject and cause hypo’s, but I can’t just come in and fling my pump on the side by the kettle….that’s hurt ALOT!! (I imagine ripping out a cannula would be pretty uncomfortable). At this point, I realise there are going to be more changes to the way I manage my Diabetes than just the treatment for my Diabetes. Perhaps it does mean repurposing my beloved “kit bag” after all…which will stump the beautifully curios Little P!
One thing I am looking forward to, is the ability to suspend insulin when I have a hypo, today brought with it a couple of persistent hypos. You know the kind, where you treat and 15 minutes later you’re still dropping because you have insulin on board and you’ve been more active than you’d anticipated?! Don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t enjoy a mini bag of Haribo every now and then, but when it’s as a medicine, it takes the fun out of it a little.
So today has definitely yielded a less panicky emotional response to Monday’s rapid approach, it’ll be interesting to look back at this in a few days and reflect again…