To the greatest Love I will ever know,
I turned 35 last week. I thought I would’ve met you long before now and I’m so very sorry that our first hug is still a little way off, there is much to achieve before we can begin creating memories together. But, my Little Love Monkey, I promise you it will be worth the wait, just as I try to promise myself on a daily basis that you, will be worth the wait, despite how impatient I feel.
For me, becoming your Mumma was never going to be the easiest journey. There have been various, shall we call them; “Life” obstacles that needed to be overcome and then there are the medical ones to consider. I have always sworn that the day your travels to me begin, I will be the healthiest and happiest version of myself – so that I can give you the very best of me, to enable you to be everything and anything you dream of being. There is also another reason; I have something called Type 1 Diabetes. What this means for me each day is a lot of work, it means I have to take medicine every time I eat or drink if it has carbohydrates in it. There are even occasions where I need to take some insulin without anything passing my lips, I’m told it’s a little bit like having a child at times, except Diabetes doesn’t make you watch In the Night Garden on repeat…..what exactly is a Ninky Nonk? Perhaps you can hold my hand as we find out together, I’m a little scared…
From the moment you’re conceived, my T1D will be a part of your life and each day I will teach you something about it. I will also do my utmost to protect you from it. By that I don’t just mean from getting it too – the chances of me passing on my beta cell hating genes are slim, in fact less than 5% I believe, but I will always try to shield you from having to deal with the daily maintenance, the darker side of Type 1 and mostly from being afraid of it. I will do as I have with your cousin Little P, and embrace teaching you about my kit and my medicine; in fact I hope Little P will play a big role in your Diabetes Education – I must think of a more fun name for it before you’re here though, for my sake as much as yours.
One of the biggest ways I hope to make sure I’m able to do all of this, is by having the best blood glucose numbers I possibly can when, by whatever means, I buy your ticket for your travels home. The advice is always to plan, and sometimes life doesn’t happen that way, so instead my goal is to try to have those numbers everyday and to learn to appreciate that perfection – perhaps with very few exceptions – isn’t always achievable. One of the many lessons my life with T1D has given me, is that your best is ALWAYS good enough, regardless of whether that matches up to what others expect that to mean, because your best means that you’re engaged with the goals, and therefore you’re making an effort. This is something I will share and instil in you everyday. So at the moment, my best isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough for now; because I’m trying to better it.
When I think of you, there’s a song that comes into my head………..
The lyrics resonate with how I feel about you, of course I don’t know you yet, what I do know is how loved you are and that the growth potential for that love, is infinite and certain. I know that when we do meet, I won’t feel like I am meeting you for the first time, instead it will feel like a reunion. I will undoubtedly sing this song to you at many points throughout our life together, please focus on the intention rather than the delivery.
I’m sure I’ll write again Baba, until then I must go find your Daddy……
(Sound of canned laughter à la late 80’s TV sitcoms).
With every beat of my heart,
Images Courtesy of both Google Images & Copyright Discombobulated Diabetic.